How to have difficult conversations with employees

Nicole says: “Try to identify what is making you feel anxious about having the conversation. It could be that it didn’t go well last time, perhaps. But no matter how hard it feels, don’t try to avoid having the conversation because the situation will inevitably escalate. If there is an issue that needs dealing with it can be tempting to think it will sort itself out, but it never does. If you need to have a conversation with an employee about a behavioural issue, for example, and you keep putting it off, that sends a clear message to the rest of the team that this kind of behaviour is ok.”

Nicole says: “Get yourself in the right state of mind before you start. Go for a walk, listen to music – whatever it is, just take a few minutes to get yourself in the right headspace so you feel calm and in control. If you don’t approach it in the right way, the chances are you are going to crash and burn so make sure that you are mentally prepared for it.”

Nicole says: “These sorts of conversations can often get derailed because the person leading it is not clear what outcome they want to get from it. They will jump into the conversation, particularly if it is about a behavioural issue, and just spout off without having a clear point. So ask yourself - what do I want from this conversation? If it a conversation about an
employee’s performance or attitude, what kind of change do you want to see from them? If it is a conversation to get feedback on something, what are you planning to do with that information?”

Nicole says: “You may think you know what you want to say but if you expect it to be challenging you can easily lose focus, so make a few notes beforehand and don’t be scared to refer to them. You are not going in with an essay, you are
just going in with a few points to keep you on track because it is easy to become derailed.”

Nicole says: “It is important to approach these conversations from a place of curiosity so that you explore and understand what is going on. If an employee has been late delivering a project, for example, your impulse might be to deal with it in an accusatory or confrontational way. But it could be they delivered it late because they have been having a rough time at home, perhaps worrying about an elderly sick parent or a new baby keeping them up all night. If you go in with a more compassionate approach, having understood the situation, you will know the best way to start the conversation and ultimately achieve more from it.”

Nicole says: “There is a natural resistance to change if people feel uncertain about new things going on. So if you are introducing change into the business, for example managing the return to the office, ask them how they feel about it. You are not asking them for permission to do what you need to do; you are inviting their opinions so they feel more part of it
and committed to it.”

Nicole says: “Set boundaries and to be clear and direct. If you talk in euphemisms or metaphors, for example using tennis as an analogy for business, there is a danger they will have no idea what you are trying to say.”

Nicole says: “Never leave a conversation hanging. Always be clear about next steps. For example, if it is a compassionate conversation and they are struggling to do their job, decide what support you can give them. If it is a feedback conversation make sure you are both clear about what happens next, and be specific about timelines and check in points. Don’t leave room for any ambiguity. That way if the issue crops up again you have something solid in place that you can refer back to.”